I’m a thinking type. I used to think I wanted a thinking type as a companion. I realize now that what I really need is a feeling type.
You could say that my intellectual capacity is high, however, my emotional intelligence could use work. I’ve gone through life using my logical brain to analyze and calculate my world with what I would call great success (after all, I’m not dead). This is all fine and good except there’s another big part of me that I don’t really know. I would like to get to know myself emotionally and I’d like to get to know another human emotionally.
I mean, I’ve been in a few relationships in my life, some of them serious. And I’ve gotten really close with them. By the way, I want to say thank you to all of the women who have shared part of their lives with me. You’ve taught me a lot about myself and the world and I wouldn’t be where I am without that experience.
But I have a problem. I’d like to be with a feeler. I don’t need someone who is as logically inclined as me (and let me just say that I’m not saying I’m a genius or anything, I’m simply stating the fact that my natural tendency is analytical). What I need is someone who makes me feel. Someone who can bring out that something within me that I’ve only experienced in a handful of rapturous moments throughout my life. The problem is I don’t know how to communicate that to a feeler. I don’t know how to make that known. I think the irony here is that I’m trying to think how to woo a feeler. And you don’t get a feeler by thinking. You reach her by feeling. And when it comes to feeling I am a novice.
I try to ask feeling types, for example, how they are feeling. And they have trouble saying how they feel. And that can be frustrating to me. I’m realizing now though that just because they can’t linguistically describe their emotional state, does not mean they aren’t communicating. There are many ways people communicate and language is only one. I’ve begun to pay more attention to people’s body language and facial expressions, and their eyes. So much is said through the eyes. I’ve been forcing myself to look people in the eye, as uncomfortably intimate as it is.
All that said, however, I wanna say that my purpose in life is to genuinely connect with people, help them, and create beauty in the world. So an intimate relationship isn’t a first priority, but if it happens, it happens.
My idea is that if I continue on my path, someone who is good for me will come. Set the compass and someone will jump on the ship.
“A wild woman is not a girlfriend. She is a relationship with nature. She is the source of all your primal desires, and she is the wild whipping wind that uproots the poisonous corn stalks on your neatly tilled farm.
She will plant pear trees in the wake of your disaster.
She will see to it that you shall rise again.
She is the lover who restores you to your own wild nature.”
-excerpt from A Wild Woman is not a Girlfriend. She is a Relationship With Nature by Alison Nappi
alchitecture 