I think one of the biggest issues we have as humans today is a lack of presence. We are almost always holding on to the past or thinking about the future. This seems to be especially true when we’re faced with a problem. We want to get out. Escape. Numb. But guess what? You can’t get out. You can’t escape. You are caught up in this story whether you choose to participate or not.
The good news is you have a choice. You don’t necessarily have to succeed and conquer, but you should not turn away. As the cliche goes, experience is the best teacher. And there’s a lesson in every moment. Learn the lessons you’ve been presented, or you’ll find yourself in the same situations over and over again.
“Your biggest problem is you think you shouldn’t have them.” -Tony Robbins
We as humans have a natural tendency to want to eliminate discomfort and to increase pleasure. The problem with that is you’re only experiencing half of the spectrum. You have an emotional intelligence that is on a different wavelength from your mental intelligence. The mind is telling you no but the body is telling you yes (I couldn’t help myself). Choose to be present with all of your emotions, including the uncomfortable ones.
Anxiety
Anxiety is the mind creating problems. We live in a special reality where we almost never have to worry about being eaten. However, the genetic programming that kept us safe in the days of our forefathers is still there. It worked well enough to continue our species, and it’s part of what’s gotten us to where we are today. So, because of it’s evolutionary success, the behavior stuck.
I’ve had an anxiety attack before, and let me tell you, it’s not fun. Your whole world seems to want to hurt you. All your notions of safety and comfort disappear. You almost feel as though the air itself is wrapping around your throat, constricting your breathing. Your brain superimposes this scary reality onto your current environment. Look around. What do you see? There are no tigers swinging for your dome. You aren’t in any immediate danger.
What I’ve found is the best remedy for anxiety is presence. Being aware. And, of course, BREATHE. Slowly and deeply. There’s this idea that you only have a certain number of breaths. If you take them slowly and deeply, you live longer. We all know that anxiety is a killer. Anxious people breathe shallow and quick. As a good friend once told me, “Get outta your head or you’re dead.”
Anger
Anger shows you where you need to put your attention. It is a tool your nervous system has developed to point to the areas that need work. Much like a gas light tells you to find a gas station soon, anger tells you to examine why you are angry. Is it because you’ve been wronged? Were you really wronged, or did you just perceive it that way? Are you finding reasons to be mad at people and circumstances, when really you’re mad at yourself for not standing up for yourself when that guy at work asked you to cover for him and you knew you had plans that night but just couldn’t tell him no (personal experience)?
Jealousy
People deny jealousy. Being jealous makes us feel inferior. What reason would we have to feel this way? Think of it like this: your body is sending you a physiological response to let you know that you want whatever that thing is. You are unsatisfied with your current state. Don’t stifle this feeling. Let yourself envy. Then use that energy as motivation to go get what you want.
“Negative” emotions are not necessarily bad. When they consume us they can cause damage to our relationships and ourselves, and maybe even cause us to end up in the back seat of a patrol car (personal experience). But, it doesn’t have to be that way. The key is to know your body’s signals. This can only come from paying attention, spending time with yourself, noting how you feel in different situations and then deciding if the emotions are the result of the stimulus or just old programming. And write about it. Talk it out with yourself. It’s funny: the only person in the world that it is taboo to talk to is yourself. Why is that? I think it’s necessary to be psychologically healthy. After all, out of all the people in the world, you are the only one who’s gonna be there for the whole thing. So get to know yourself. And then have the compassion for yourself that comes from the understanding that you are a mass of habits, good and bad.
“Your fear is the sharpest definition of your self. You should know it. You should feel it virtually constantly. Fear needs to become your friend, so that you are no longer uncomfortable with it.” -David Deida
All emotions are legitimate. They all are there for a reason. The worst thing you can do is distract yourself from them.
KNOW THYSELF. THEN GROW THYSELF.
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